Cracktors
by WH4T NOW B1PCH3S
Summary: The strangest crackfic you'll ever read. -Rated T for language- -Contains other content other than Pokemon, but it's mostly Pokemon- -Oneshot w/ a second story-
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, I'm truly sorry for not updating ANY of my stories. I'm becoming more easily distracted. D:  
ANYWAYS, if you're going to flame me for this story not making any sense, DON'T. That's the whole point.**

Things involved besides Pokemon:  
Dragon (Dragonfyre173 ACC)  
Tilt (ILoveTomatoes88 ACC)  
Copsi (pepsicola1295 ACC)  
Paige (SWATKATS12 ACC)  
Maneki (ManekiNeko ACC)  
BowserBasher (BowserBasher, Admin of ACC)  
Some SSBB Characters  
OBJECTION! Meme  
Batman/Manbat  
Bakugan  
TaMa (Tick_Tock ACC)  
Kirby (accfriendmaker ACC)  
The parody of the Ticks and Tocks overpowering ACC (...Long story)  
A bug from some other fanfic (Caterpillar Phil)  
RP Of Magicalness (The wolf, the human, and the Swampert-Human)  
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon RP (All the pokemon with actual nicknames (exluding Swamp, Blaze, Hydro, and Armageddon.)  
Some things ACC Related  
Jadie (Jadiebloop ACC)**  
pi  
Me (The halfdragon. ;D)  
hoggle (del)eated my cookies!!! (fanfic by ManekiNeko on ACC)  
Kingdom Hearts  
Spectrobes  
Phoenix Wright**

**I don't own ^these^ or Pokemon.**

**Hope you enjoy if you laugh easily.**

CRACKTOR!

A fat Blastoise walked up to some random stage.  
"Ahem, g-good evening folks," He took out note cards that were stuffed inside one of his water blasters.  
"Damn it, I should've dried that blaster." He muttered under his breath, and looked at the note cards. The ink was all messed up and illegible.  
"Um, my name is Hydro; I'm here to talk to you about…um…" He began shaking from nervousness.  
"Get on with it already!" A Croconaw yelled from the audience. Hydro gulped.  
"W-well, can you not p-pressure me? I-I'm not very g-good at being in front of c-crowds." He stuttered. Suddenly, a Swampert wearing a ski mask and a cape walked onto the stage.  
"I'll take it from here, Hydro." He said, and pushed Hydro off the stage. "Welcome ladies and germs, this is the show of no sense, where…well, you'll see what happens." The Swampert bowed and headed off the stage. A Blaziken wearing a brown cloak and a mask walked up.  
"Hello, I'm the masked cloaker. Fear me, oooooohgraaaaaaaa." The Blaziken then started dancing to Numa Numa.  
"What the hell is this?" A Scizor asked himself. The Swampert came up to the Scizor. "This is crack. A Cracktor, to be precise,"  
"What the hell is a Cracktor?!" The Scizor asked, getting angrier.  
"It's a tractor on crack," The Swampert said, and ran away giggling like a little girl. Suddenly, the background changed into a grassy plain, with a castle in the distance, and everyone was in suits of armor.  
"Hark ye travelers! We cometh to help save the king from thy wrath," Said a Sandslash wearing a cloak, riding on a Rapidash.  
"Get off me you damn Sandslash!" The Rapidash neighed, and bucked the Sandslash off, and ran away.  
"I shalt get you, my precious ride!" The Sandslash yelled, shaking a fist.  
"Whoa whoa, calm down, Armageddon." The Swampert said, before putting a cowboy hat and sunglasses on in slow motion.  
"That Rapidash was the best out there." Armageddon said, tears filling up his eyes.  
"It's just a damn Rapidash." The Blaziken said who had grown dragon wings over the past 3.14 minutes. Then a dragon walked up to the crowd, with a DS Lite clutched in his hand.  
"Who said 3.14?" He asked eagerly. Suddenly, a human with dragon wings and a tail sticking out flew to the crowd.  
"Umm, I did?" She said. The dragon then recited all of the numbers of pi, while everyone else, including the halfdragon, walked away. Suddenly, a pink puffball flying on a glowing star crashed right in front of them.  
"Poyo!" It said.  
"0_o" Went everyone, and they all walked away.  
"All these weirdos keep following us!" Armageddon growled.  
"That's because this is a crackfic, and crackfics make no sense." Blaze the halfdragon explained.  
"You should have said that earlier, and then I would've taken the day off." Swamp the Swampert said, stretching and yawning as emphasis. The crowd then ran into 3 people crowded around a person in a top hat, and spazzing out.  
"Might I ask what the heck is going on?" Swamp asked.  
"Meh, 3 Professor Layton fans who I happen to know." Blaze explained. "I suggest walking away," The crowd nodded and walked away. The crowd soon ended up in space, and somehow they could breathe. Then, a Porygon-Z, a Rotom in Cut Form, a Swampert, a Gallade, and a Breloom surrounded the crowd. A person cuddling a Lucas and a Marx plushie walked up to them.  
"Moo," The person said.  
"Chicken," Blaze replied.  
"Oh Hi, this is Destroy," She pointed at the Porygon-Z. "And this is Robert, Muddie, Saturn, and PokeTrap." Blaze began poking Robert, while Saturn and a random Gallade started having a glaring contest. Then Planet Mars exploded so they threw Mars from Team Galactic in its place. Everybody was shocked from the explosion and fell down to Earth. A shiny Gible, Munchlax, Torchic with weird blue feathers, Grovyle, Charizard, Ninetales, Leafeon, Azelf, Wynaut, Umbreon, Espeon, Mudkip, and Eevee surrounded them. The Munchlax went up and poked Swamp.  
"STOP POKING ME!" Swamp yelled, and tried flipping the Munchlax over, but couldn't because Munchlax weighs as much as half a Snorlax. The Gible walked over to Armageddon and took his sword.  
"GIVE IT BAAAACK!" Armageddon whined, and chased the Gible. The Wynaut walked over to Blaze and said;  
"Hi, I'm Potato; this is Fang, Bobert, Blaze, Grovyle, Blastt, Elliett, Alex, Azelf, Shadow, Minda, Kiara, and Isis." Hydro woke up after the explosion.  
"POTATO," He began chasing after Potato, who was running for his life. Armageddon grabbed the sword but Fang still had his mouth clamped on the blade. Armageddon waved the sword around frantically. A Scyther flew up to them. "You do it like this," He used SPARTAAAA on Fang and he blew up. Grovyle was asleep so he didn't know about any of this. Shadow and Minda were having a glaring contest.  
"TOO MANY GLARING CONTESTS!" Blaze yelled, and started having a mental breakdown. They all disappeared and ended up in a forest with houses, in front of a house with two doors, possibly a separated house.  
"HEY LOOK IT'S MY HOUSE," said Blaze, who was finished her mental breakdown. Then, Kirby came back on another flying star and crashed into Swamp. Everyone else pointed and laughed at Swamp, because he can be such a pain in the neck. Grovyle woke up and had a mental breakdown because he didn't know where he was. Soon, the forest exploded and everyone landed inside courtroom, where the Dragon was seated and still reciting the numbers of pi.  
"What's a dragon doing in a courtroom?" The Dragon got angry, because he lost count.  
"OBJECTION!"  
"OVEHRULED!" Blaze shouted back.  
"POKEBALL!" The Dragon yelled.  
"Chuck Norris," Blaze said, and the Dragon toppled over and fainted. Then, a Ditto and a Cubone walked in.  
"It's Blip and Spire, Omaiis!" Bobert gasped.  
"Luxrays," Grovyle gasped,  
"And Persians," Swamp added,  
"And Ursarings," Hydro said.  
"OMAIIS," Everyone gasped.  
"This isn't 'The Wizard of Pokemanz', guys!" Blaze growled. Armageddon walked over to a computer and smashed it with his sword. The computer exploded and everyone was sent to THE DOOM DIMENSION, THE GRAVEYARD OF ALL BAKUGAN!  
"Gee, thanks for the emphasis," Blaze muttered. Then, a cat carrying a hammer walked up to them.  
"This is the Gravy-yard of the banned, take a look around." The cat said.  
"Whaddif I dun wanna?"Blaze growled. The cat smirked and pulled out what looked like a wallet. It opened, but there was nothing inside.  
"Damn, I forgot I resigned." The cat muttered.  
"Resigned from what?" Swamp asked.  
"I was once a MODERATOR, but I resigned because everyone was fat, lazy, and ate too much cake." The cat ran off, muttering things about someone named hoggle and deleting cookies. Then a few minutes later, everyone ran into a cat with underwear on his head.  
"I'm BowserBasher," The cat said.  
"But, Bowser's right here," Blaze said, pushing Bowser into the open. The cat started spazzing out and grabbed a hammer and chased Bowser with it. Everyone disappeared from the scene and ended up in front of a wolf, a human, and a human version of Swamp.  
"Omaiis, we're IN AN RP," Blaze yelled, and started running around in circles. Swamp ran up to the human Swampert and started poking him.  
"You're FAT," He said, giggling like a little girl.  
"Yes he is," The wolf said.  
"TALKING WOLF TALKING WOLF TALKING WOLF!" Swamp yelled, and hid behind Hydro.  
"Okay, there is no way we could even be alike. What the heck was DojoManiac thinking?" The Swampert human growled. Then everyone disappeared and landed where they were surrounded by two Dragons, Kingdom Hearts characters, Spectrobes, and Phoenix Wright Characters.  
"WE'RE IN ANOTHER RP!" Swamp yelled.  
"Don't worry, at least it's one YOU'RE in," Blaze muttered, and she took out a remote with the word 'moo' on it, and pressed a button. Everyone was thrown in front of a tall throne, where an angry looking grandfather clock sat.  
"Hello, servants, I am king Tick_Tock, leader of all the Tocks and Ticks of Clock Community." The clock said.  
"Ohnoez! The worst has happened!" Blaze yelled.  
"Fight, everyone!" Swamp yelled, and used Surf on Tick_Tock. Then, all the clock guards surrounded everyone with VERY POINTY swords. Then, a large explosion was heard, and the castle wall exploded. Then a person wearing a hat with two horns sticking out walked in and fired his LAZ0R, so a bunch of cats with underwears on their heads surrounded him. "Rosaleins are attacking! Fight them off with sticks!!" He yelled.  
"Lolwut?" Swamp asked. Then, Master Hand appeared and started having a thumb war with Tick_Tock, who was somehow attacked by…

NANANANANANA BATMAN!!!

People died that day because Manbat forgot to take a shower."OMAIIS, HUMANS!" Someone called out, and a bunch of Pokemanz Trainurrs walked in. The Pokemanz quickly supervised and starting drinking their tea and eating their donuts in civilized manners.

Except for Bob the snake, who was being strangled by Dialga's foot.

Eeeee-anyways, Tom the Eevee was eating his tail because it tasted like butter.

No, WAIT! Then the Galactic Battles theme song played! Oh, yeah, and everyone died from that, including Blaze.

But then, a bunch of Pikmin starting dancing and everyone lived. Blaze ate the Pokemanz Dimun and Purl anime series so they all lived happily ever after.

NOT.

Swamp threw a Frisbee at Bowser, Wario, Ganondorf, and Tabuu and they all died.

WELL THANK GOD TABUU DIED HE IS SO DANG HARD TO BEAT, RIGHT? D:

Everyone celebrated with cake and chocole milk, and Charizard, Ivysaur, and Squirtle killed their trainer so they were FREE! FREE AT LAST! YAY!

Lolz, all in all, everyone then lived happily ever after…

Inside DojoManiac's laptop.

"Lolz, funny story, eh?" Swamp said, poking the campfire until his finger caught on fire.  
"IDIOTIC," Caterpillar Phil growled.  
"You suck," Swamp retorted.  
"GO SCREW A-" "Whoa whoa, there are children reading!" Hydro snapped.  
"Why did you just break the fourth wall like that?" Swamp asked.  
"Because, I even broke the fifth wall," Hydro said proudly.

Swamp pushed him into the campfire.

DA END! :3

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**Sooo, didja like it? :3 For this story, I don't really care for R&Rs, but you can review if you'd like.  
Still, NO FLAMERS.**

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	2. Tilt's Crackfic

**My friend Tilt(ILoveTomatoes88 from ACC) made this story a while ago, I felt like posting this along with the Cracktor story. c:**

**Guess what else? I don't own Pokemon OR This story!**

It was a dark and stormy night, but then the happy sun came out when the three -ahem- I mean FOUR losers walked into the happy forests of sing along land! Ash, the first loser, was in his normal gangsta costume. Misty was in her normal clothes, and Brock was dancing with his best friend, Pikachu and Bob the happy dwarf from HAHDIASHD!

Ash suddenly did a pose.

DUN DUNN DUNNNNN DUNNN! DUN DUNN DUNN!!

"I wanna be, the very best, like no one ever was!"

DUN DUN DUNNN!!

"To catch them is my real test! To train them is my cauuuussseeee!"

DUN DUN DUNN DUNNN DUNN!

"I will travel across the land, searching far and wide!"

DUN DUNN DUNN!

"Each Pokemon, to understand, THE POWER THAT'S INSIIIII-"

The music stopped because Ash was unconscious.

Misty was standing there with a bloody knife in her hand.

"Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!"

Everyone laughed maniacally. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then comes their.……ADVENTURE!

NANANANANANA BATMAN!

Then Ash and the 3 Musketeers were off. This is counting Pikachu, don't forget that stupid Pikachu who should've killed Ash Ketchup -ahem- Ketchum years ago.

"STUPID CAKES!" Brock shouted, striking a pose.

"GASP!" Everyone screamed, then Pikachu danced.

"Excuse my French, but weren't we supposed to be somewhere?" Brock continued.

"LOSER!" Ash screamed.

Then the ground bounced. Yes, it bounced because of Elmo. HAHAHAHA! FRIES! HAHAHAHA!

"NOOO!! FAT NUMBERS AND FIVE PUDDINGS!!" Misty shouted.

It was NANANANANANA! TEAM ROCKET!

They ran because they wanted to.

"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie began, posing.

James was about to say something, but then a giant Mario thing squished him.

"Yay! KILL ALL WATER BOTTLES!" May shouted. Hmmm…where'd Misty go?

"TREES AND GREETING CARDS BE GONE!" Ash shouted, then Team Rocket…'blasted off again!' They could've, but they actually exploded.

No one cared because they died.

HAHAHAHA.

"Hi mom!" Brock 'looked' to see some old lady standing there.

"Hi armpit hair!" the old woman screeched, then looked at Pikachu. He was folded up and stuffed into Ash's pocket.

She smiled at it.

"BACK OFF! HE'S MINE!" May screamed, then a huge computer thing fell from the sky.

It was Professor Oak-blah-name-kid-thing. He has five toes. GASP!

"Hello everyone, you're all losers."

The computer exploded and killed Ash, but he soon got resurrected because no one ever dies.

Brock's eyes were open. OMSJ NO WAII!!1111 But they soon closed and the scene was censored.

"SUPER HEROES!" Everyone shouted, then transformed into NANANANA!

Wait.

Then they got distracted and watched an ant die.

"IT WAS…..WAS….BEAUTIFUL!" Ash shouted, then started crying.

Then, the ground bounced again. WHEEEE!!

It was Team Pop Lock and Drop It!

No wait Team….RRRROCKET! Yeah, that's it.

James was alive because he loves Tinker Bell. Meowth then said something that no one could understand.

"Where's red…um…pink…..um…..hair….um…girl?" Brock asked, eating Kambell's, Chicken Noodle Soup! Possibilities!

"She's….um…well…um…"

"RIGHT HERE!"

Then, everyone got together and started singing, including Professor Wood.

I mean Oak.

DUNNNN DUNN DUNN DUN DUN DUUNN!!

"I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was!"

POSE! POSE! POSE!

"To catch them is my real test! To train the is my cauuuussseee!!"

DUN DUN DUNN DUNN DUNN!

"I will travel across the land, searching far and wide!"

POSE! –dies- POSE!

"Each -breathe-…..Pokemon….-inhale-…..to understand! -Breathes-…… THE POWER THAT'S INSIDEEEE!!"

Soon, everyone died of singing except for Bob and his group of minions, who started singing. The minions sing in parentheses and are also the background singers.

"POKEMON! (Gotta catch 'em all!) It's you and me! I know it's my destiny!"

"POKEMON! Oh, you're my best friend! In a world we must defend!"

DUN DUN DUNN!

"POKEMON! (Gotta catch 'em all!) Our heart so trruuueee! Our courage will pull us through! You teach me and I'll teach you! POKKKEMMMOOONNN!!"

"Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em all! POKEMON!"

The crowd started booing while one person cheered. This person was never seen again.

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!

Just kidding. He was actually eating his mom! –smiles- LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

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**Well, how'd you like THEM TOASTERS? :U**

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End file.
